he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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