Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
