when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
