Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
