so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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