i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
