Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this will be a night to untag.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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