is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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