Reggie can tackle my bush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
