did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
