P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
