It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
