we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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