I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i've created a new STD.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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