At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
