I am in a vortex of obligation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
