do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
