All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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