and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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