If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
