I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
COCAINE IS GR8
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
