Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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