I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
