Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
