Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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