don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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