I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
