dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
