So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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