I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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