Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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