Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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