I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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