how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your cock deserves a montage
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
