Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
