Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
