I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
