maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
