somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
