I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
