I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
