You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
