whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
