She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
