Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
