Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Small penises have feelings too.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
