got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize