I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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