i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize