Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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