Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize