gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
