Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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