i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
