I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
