Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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