chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
