ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
no, he came in my armpit
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
organizing the empties. That sober.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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