dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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