he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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