non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
