my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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