I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
