"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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