I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
