drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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