WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
