absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
