We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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