there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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