quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
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