I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize