I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
