i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
