I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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