I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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