shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
