you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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