i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
