it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize