I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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