I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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