I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
