I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
