I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
