I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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