I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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