im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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