Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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