I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
