Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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