You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
