Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
