Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize