i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
