Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
