drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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