Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
