She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
