I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
