Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
