My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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