you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
